Oh God. What would they think of me I really put myself out there?

“She can’t say that”

or

“She can’t wear that”

or

“Who the fuck does she think she is?”

or

“She has a better face for radio”

or

“You’re such a dumb bimbo”

or

“You’re such a slut”

or

“You’re totally shameless plugging yourself like that”

or

“Attention whore”

or

“You’re such a fool”

or

“She’s so shallow”

or

“She can’t explain anything succinctly”

or

“Try hard”

or

“scam artist”

or

“You’re blah blah blah” insert some other shame-inducing statement in here somewhere along the way

This is the dialogue that some people literally hear from others and some people hear from THEMSELVES.

Yes. From themselves.

Now, sticks and stones and all of that.. when we put ourselves out there on the internet sometimes (not all the time and it’s certainly not a ‘right of passage’ thing, but #trolls and #internet) stuff comes back. It’s actually a wonderful mirror of our deepest fears.

What is seriously the worst thing that someone could say to you? Seriously?

Because chances are, what people are thinking (if they’re even thinking about you AT ALL) is how they wish that they could do what you do. That they had your words, your confidence, your abilities, your education, your experience, your sass, your attitude, your wit, your enthusiasm, your body, your whatever the heck it is that they admire about YOU.

So why on earth do we let the fear of what they MIGHT think stop us and trip us up from playing full out?

You see, more often than not, we are our own worst enemy.

We conjure up falsehoods to keep ourselves safe, familiar and honestly, more often than not, STUCK.

Fucking. Stuck. In. The. Quagmire. Of. Shitiness. Which. Oozes. The. Strong. Stench. Of. Failure. Torture. And. Rotting. Foliage.

Ew. Descriptive, huh?

Case and point. So I was in my very private home this morning, about to get in the shower (and we don’t close our blinds, because #veryprivategarden). My ensuite overlooks our pool, the tall hedges that surround said pool area, with columns and veranda lusciousness.

So I get undressed, because I have showers naked (I assume you do, too!) and I was walking past our French Doors that go out to the pool area, and realise, that there are builders ON THE TWO-STOREY ROOF that is being built over the back fence. Stunned. Shocked. I move back and then realise I need to shut the fucking blinds quick smart.

I pull the blinds down, breathe a sigh of relief and get about the business of self maintenance.

BUT

What went on in my HEAD was what surprised me next..

It brought up shit from earlier on in my life.

The stuff that was zooming around in my head was:

“Oh my god. I’m mortified. What if they think I did it on purpose? What if they think I knew that they were there and did it for shits and giggles? What if they saw me? What if they laughed and talked about me amongst all the guys there? What if they were laughing at me? What if they know who I am because of the internet? What if they know who I am, because it’s a small fucking town? What if they …. “

And the list of pure SHAME kept repeating over and over and over and over and over and over.

It harks back for me, to earlier on in my life when I totally judged others for using their sexuality for attention. Which is fine for them, but I was totally judgy. Perhaps on some level I still am, actually, because, well, it wouldn’t have come up if it didn’t need to be cleared.

It harks back to a time where I was insecure in being me, owning who I am, my body (this one still happens now and again even now and I work on it regularly)

For me, the women who I judged for using their sexuality to get attention and whatever else they wanted were “dirty hoe sluts”. Ouch. That one hurts to write down.

And the reflection of that then, on me, is that what if that man, standing on the roof, building or doing whatever the hell it was that he was doing thought of me that way?

I THOUGHT OF ME THAT WAY. Even though I did NOT do it on purpose. I didn’t know they were there. I would not do that on purpose (and if I did, I’d own it)…

So POW. A punch right to the solar plexus.

I felt like a dirty hoe slut.

So that required some work, right? Releasing. Unwinding. W.O.R.K. And it’s taken me a good half a day to work through it. This was deep seated stuff. Definetely from this lifetime and probably from previous as well. Plus any inherited stuff like that…

Deep, huh?

Here’s the thing, though.

The honest, fact of the matter is this.

We are our own worst enemies and more often than not, we will have things lurking, insidious little things, thorns, splinters, worms, cockroaches, spiders, tentacled arms with claws on the end crapness living in our psyche that we just don’t even realise is there.

And our job on this planet, in my belief, is to unravel as much of that as we can so that we can really be free to reach and live out our full potential.

I am sorry to those women that I judged so harshly.

I am sorry to ME for judging me so harshly.

I am sorry.

And I forgive myself for that.

The EXCITING thing is this.

Once discovered, you can release.

Once discovered, you can let go.

Once you discover the not-so-obvious things that can hold you back, like the monkey on your back that’s been there for so long you actually don’t even realise is there, you can do ‘the work’ on letting that shit go.

And this is where the power is. This is the path to you achieving everything and all that you want.

When we want more, when are prepared to do ‘the work’ as well as The Work, you will find that you have success, faster success, in every area of your life.

It requires you to be vulnerable.

It requires you to be BRAVE.

It requires you to be a REBEL and go against the salmon.

It requires you to leap. Jump.

And fall and fall and fall and fall and fall and fall and fall and fall, KNOWING that you’re taken care of and that you’ll be ok.

This is potentially one of the most raw blogs I’ve written in a LONG time.

I considered not publishing it.

I considered not sharing it.

I considered holding back.

Again, because #vulnerable and I’m talking about deeply personal things to me.

I am sharing it TRUSTING that you get what you need out of it.

That if this helps you uncover something that’s been HOLDING YOU BACK and keeping you playing small….

If I can share THIS and still have people follow me…

If I can share THIS which feels like I am standing naked in front of all of you, literally.

If I can do this, THEN YOU can put yourself out there for the world.

You CAN share your message.

You CAN share YOU.

You CAN and MUST.

Your audience who you want to work with are demanding it, actually.

They are demanding more from us than ever before because they are HUNGRY FOR AUTHENTICITY.

They are HUNGRY for no-pretenses.

They are HUNGRY for REAL. RAW. VULNERABLE.

Because ‘everyone’ else is telling them to be like a fucking robot and follow the 9 dots and live within the ‘model’ and the ‘system’ and the ‘white label bullshit’ and the ‘copy cat cookie cutter culture’ that is social media these days.

THEY WANT YOU.

So your ‘J.O.B.’ is to share as much of you as you’re willing to share.

Nicola x

I know it’s not easy doing this stuff – this sharing of you – after all, if it were ‘EASY’ everyone would be doing it, right? Which is why I put together Rebel With A Cause. No formulas. No conforming. Just a 7 day deep dive into unleashing you in the world. You can find out more here: www.nicolamoras.com.au/rebel