What if you didn’t have to try so hard?
What if you could just let go and let god…?
What if you were to let go… right now..
Of the fear
Of the worry
Of the temptation to lie down
Of shame
Of fatigue
Of lethargy
Of the tiredness of spirit
Of the lack
Of the angst
Of the endless endless thoughts of ‘I should be further along by now’
What if you were to let go of all of that?
I remember being a couple of years into business, where many would have said I’d “made it”… what they didn’t know was that I was working endless amounts of hours, almost every day of the week…
I still had the things rolling around in my head that I mentioned above…even though I was making damn good money.
I was talking with a client this morning, actually, the client who has been with me the longest. This amazing woman joined me in 2013, almost to the day, actually (Happy 8 years!), and I remember the exact conversation I had with her at the time.
She’d just come out of corporate and wanted to work in her business ‘full time’.
Now, for most entrepreneurs we imagine before the reality kicks in, that ‘Full Time’ is 4 maybe 5 days a week… while the kids are at school, so I have some ‘flexibility’.
The REALITY is that full time for quite some time tends to actually tends to look like 70-80 hours per week or more. The ‘flexibility’ is non-existent because you’ve gotta pay dem bills! It was for me, anyway… and for most ‘successful’ people I’ve spoken to over the years.
I honestly thought that I had to work endless hours.
I honestly thought I had to do more.
Hustle more.
Sleep less.
Put more in.
I felt like I needed to do all of this to prove my worth for some bizarre reason! God only knows where that strange idea came from.
This may sound a little conceited…it may sound a little egotistical, but whatever. We’re friends, right? And if you don’t like what I’m about to say, it’s ok.
I have always known that I would be ‘someone’.
That I would not live a normal life.
That I would do things differently.
I actually think sometimes that I was born into the right family, but in the wrong time. In the wrong country…..
You see, for as long as I can remember, I’ve always performed in various different ways… until I felt like I couldn’t.
I always entertained – friends, classmates, in high school plays – until I felt like it was wrong.
I always enjoyed making people smile and laugh, because it made me smile and laugh – until I was told that I wasn’t funny and that I shouldn’t be making people laugh because nobody finds me funny….
As a kid things came quite easily. I was ‘one of those’ kids. Always talking, dancing, imagining that I was the person in video clips that I’d watch and pore over on a Saturday and Sunday morning.
My favourite tv shows were Video Hits and Rage. Cartoons? Pfft! My Dad used to be in the RAAF and when he’d come back from overseas, he’d bring home cassette tapes of Madonna, Cyndi Lauper and anyone else he thought I’d love.
Back in ‘those days’ the words were on the inside of the packaging that was inside the plastic cassette container! I used to play the tapes, sing my heart out and imagine I was on stage with them. Heck, I would imagine I WAS them.
As a child, when asked what I wanted to do I would TELL people that I wanted to be a teacher, a lawyer, an aged care worker…. A Mother…..
Even as a child, I somehow believed that I would be judged as an egotistical bitch if I said what I really wanted….
I wanted to be on Young Talent Time. I wanted to be a television presenter. I wanted to be a famous singer. I wanted to do my own video clips and be on Video Hits. I wanted to be on Hey Hey It’s Saturday being interviewed by Molly Meldrum…..
At the core of my soul, I wanted to perform in one way shape or form. I wanted to be ON STAGE.
Front and Centre. All eyes on me.
Somehow, though, I believed that I couldn’t utter this dream, these thoughts, these desires out loud… because I’d be laughed at. I believed I didn’t have an excellent singing voice. (I still don’t, incidentally!). Nevertheless, I was in the school choir, I was in the school band. Always part of the ensemble in productions. Never front and centre and I daren’t mention to anyone that I wanted to be. I felt like everyone else was more qualified, better suited, more talented.
So, I kept it in.
Always feeling like I was odd. Different. Weird. I’ve always felt like that. The odd one out. The third wheel in most friendships. Like I was an inconvenience for being part of the group – the forgotten one! It may or may not have been true, but it’s how I felt for much of my life, actually, not just as a kid!
I always knew I was destined for great things. For making lots of money. For helping lots of people. For doing things differently. Even in my corporate role, I wanted to do things differently and naturally gravitated towards putting on info session nights, bringing people together to collaborate.
But. When it came to business… I chose to believe that in order to be successful, I had to do it ‘The Way That It Was Done By All’. I believed that you had to be serious. That you had to hustle. That you had to FOCUS on this thing to the point of the exclusion of almost everything else.
I had no balance in my world. None. Not that I believe that everything has to be evenly balanced, mind you. I still don’t believe that. But I didn’t have anything outside of work, kids and my husband. There was ZERO time for me… because if there was time, that meant I could be working. I could be hustling. I could be making money. I could be editing videos. I could be interviewing people. I could be researching. I could be producing.
There came a point for me, where there was an inevitable cracking.
A fracture point that ended up creating a gap in my very soul that I can only equate to being like the separation of plates in a earth’s crust….. but in such a huge way that the two parts can never come together…. And thus, there was a great divide.
I had to make some choices and decisions.
That I could either continue to push push push PUSH PUUUUUSH like a crazy manic person who was deathly afraid of even a spare minute (cause in that spare, quite moment the fear really kicked in and the whispers of “this isn’t the way, you know?” became too loud to bear).
Or. I could make the choice, the decision and draw the line in the sand that this is enough now.
I had to make the conscious decision around how I wanted to build and grow this business.
I had to choose what I wanted and how I wanted it.
I had seen other people who seemingly were living the dream. Making money. Having FUN. Being themselves all the time. Having vacations. Working with amazing clients.
I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong.
What I know now, is that I wasn’t being true to me.
I wasn’t being true to how I wanted to live. How I wanted to grow and how I wanted to work.
I had to surrender.
But fuck it was scary.
Surrender.
Surrennnnnnder.
Surrennnnnnndeeerrrrrrrrrr.
Surrender: noun
noun: surrender; plural noun: surrenders
- the action of surrendering to an opponent or powerful influence
The thought, the idea of surrendering to my DREAMS….
What if they don’t come true
The thought of following my heart….
What if I get burned?
The thought of letting go of control…
I might die
The thought of being truly, wholly and souly me EVERY SINGLE DAY and actually admitting to myself and the world what I really wanted….
What if they think it’s ridiculous?
The thought of following my intuition and my true nature
What if it’s not enough. What if I am not enough?
The thought of not doing it The Way
What if I lose it all?
……. And I knew. I knew that I had to let go of all of that.
Because, you know what?
I believe that there is a higher purpose.
I believe that there is a God or a higher power (I dance between the language)…
I have FAITH – most of the time – that if THIS is what I’m supposed to be doing with my life.. if this is what I’m supposed to be doing with myself and my talent and my gifts (which are not singing!!)….
I may not be P!nk. I may not be Gwen Stefani. I may not be Freddie Mercury.
But I AM ME and I have to believe that this is enough.
And every day Iet go a little more….
I have a little more trust….
And I have a little more faith….
And I have a little less of a tight grip on controlling the outcome….
And I sink.
I sink into being more me.
I sink into the comfort that it’s THIS OR SOMETHING BETTER.
That ‘this’ is all part of the plan.
That I am doing EXACTLY what I dreamed as a child – I am on stages. I am on TV at times. I am known. I am entertaining. I am on video. I am performing.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
So yeah, you know what? I may not be the famous singer that I had hoped at night from the age of 10 years old that I would be…
I may not a journalist or a television presenter.. but who wants that job, really, these days?
I may not be on Video Hits in the morning or RAGE……
But every single day, YOU know that I am going to appear in your inbox, in your newsfeed, in your social media channels, in your phone as a notification…
So, I really am, in a funny kind of way, living my childhood dream.
And I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am to YOU for allowing me in.
I hope, every day, to bring value to you. To inspire, educate, motivate, tease, active, engage, entertain and KICK YOUR ASS!!!
Perhaps, just maybe, it’s time to let go of the fear, the worry, the angst, the anxiety, the doubt….. and just make the choice to honour yourself, your mission and the way YOU want to do things?
Maybe… or perhaps it’s actually a necessity.
Because YOU, when you’re doing ‘YOU’, you light up the whole fucking world.
You change the frequency of the world.
You change lives.
You activate people.
You inspire people.
Not because you’re trying to force it….
But because you in your natural power is more MAGNETIC, more POWERFUL, more COMMANDING, more ENGAGING, more ENTERTAINING, more VA-VA-VOOOOOOMMMYYYYYYYYY than anyone I’ve ever seen before.
It’s time.
It’s time to step in.
I love you. You’re amazing.
And I am honoured to have you in my world.
From my heart to yours…
I am bowing DEEPLY and smiling like a Cheshire Cat from the metaphorical stage at you.
You’ve got this.
X
