I feel like I have to weigh in on something I’ve been noticing of late. It seemingly kicked into high gear … or maybe it was just that now that someone ‘famous’ got thrown under the bus, the world is starting to notice.

One of the things that I think is tough for a business owner who CARES about her community is the FEAR of being cut off at the knees for something that the herd thinks is wrong. Yet, we can learn from what we see playing out.

Yes, I’m talking about Rachel Hollis, because this is the most recent example of being torn down. I am not saying I agree or disagree with what was said or not… but what I am wanting to highlight is that this woman appears to be the Queen of Polarisation.

There will always be people out there that you are not right for.

That no matter what you say, it’s the wrong thing.

If you apologise for what you’ve said they scream SEE! I TOLD YOU WERE WRONG.

If you don’t apologise for what you’ve said they scream SEE! YOU’RE WRONG AND YOU WON’T EVEN ADMIT IT.

If you address what’s being said but don’t apologise in the way people like, you’re an ignorant asshole who needs to do their own labour on The Issue.

If you don’t address what’s been said, and instead stand by what you’ve said, then you’re an evil witch who should be burned at the stake.

When we as women watch on as other women tear each other down, it’s completely normal to get a bit scared, to be honest. To question if it’s SAFE for you to share and air your opinions on things.

The whole concept of polarisation is that it’s about sharing your opinions, your side of things without worrying about what everyone else is going to do, say or how they’ll react. Which, when you’re talking about seemingly benign things like advertising or paper choice for printing (although those who are passionate about paper will have things to say about it all!)… but for things that matter to you, it can feel like a big deal to open yourself up to sharing.

I can say first hand that having the herd turn on you can feel awful.

I remember going back to perhaps 2014 when I’d been in business for some time, had quite a large social media following and I hired a VA to do some picture quotes for me and post them to social media. I put them in charge of doing the creation and the quote accumulation.

 I didn’t honestly pay too much attention to these quotes that went up, I just knew that they were taken care of. Someone commented on one of them stating that it hadn’t been attributed. I didn’t realise but what happened, was that there was a ton of other people who started commenting about how it was poor form, that they loved me but now they had lost all respect for me… and it went on and on and on. Yes, it’s important to attribute quotes to who said them… and gosh I was mortified at some of the pure venom that was unleashed upon me. I commented, stating that it was an oversight on VA-approvals on my behalf and that I would rectify it… but it continued on and on and on and on.

Now, I am someone who is quite fond of having people like them! I know I’m not the only one here. I don’t like feeling attacked. When I’ve done something wrong and it’s brought to my attention, I’ll definitely talk about it, apologise and rectify it.

However. I am gobsmacked at just how quickly people seem to be to drag other people down.

I have got so much to do. I have got so much goodness to share with the world… that I honestly just don’t have time for the freaking drama. I don’t have the inclination to jump on the bandwagon and shit on other women who I don’t know.

I CHOOSE actively to believe that people are doing their best.

That women are doing their best to find their way.

Yes, we fuck up. I do all the time. However, it is more than ok to say that you’ve screwed up and that you’ll do better. SO LONG AS it hasn’t hurt someone else. Know what I mean?

The problem with this kind of culture is that MANY will honestly just stop speaking up.

We’ll stop sharing our truths.

We’ll stop telling our stories.

We’ll feel like we’re unsafe.

We’ll worry that the groups and communities we’re building and that we’re a part of are just one mistake away from burning us on the social media stake.

Because that’s what it’s like!

I think that we can all be a little kinder to our peers.

I think we can all be a little more compassionate.

The world is a much nicer place when you approach it from a place of firm, fierce kindness and compassion.

I have had people turn on me. Publicly and privately. It rocked me to my core. These women were gathering a big group of people to actively undermine me. My transgression? Making sure that people stuck to their payment commitments!!! Not granting entry into programs until they were fully paid up! Refusing to refund them after fully using the services I was providing. Somehow that made me an evil witch who deserved to have her family dragged through the media (that was the threats). To have my business torn down around me. To ‘show me’ the error in my ways! (BTW, their efforts were a waste of time. The legal system had my back, of course. I had notes and recordings and all the evidence to completely undermine every one of their arguments!).

I share this from the receiving side of being vilified. It sucks. Particularly when you know that you’ve done the right thing. That your intentions were good. That nobody was harmed.

We are each 100% responsible for how we act AND how we RE-act. I was responsible for my part in it, yes. It made me more clear. It helped me to create and uphold more boundaries. It made me unapologetic about who I would let in, what I would teach and how I hold people accountable.

Ultimately, though, the Mean Girl lesson for me was to remain in INTEGRITY always and that things will always work out for the best for me when I do this.

Don’t be a mean girl. It doesn’t look good on you.

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