I think about this a lot and then not at all, depending on how things seem to be tracking in my business and or when my clients are not having the time of their lives….

When I was a kid there were plenty of ‘things’ I wanted do, but there are two big things that really stand out for me:

1)I wanted to be like Madonna or Cher or Cyndi Lauper or Roxette or Collette or the women in Bananarama or Tina Arena. Not to mention Paula Abdul, Debbie Gibson, Belinda Carlisle, Bonnie Tyler, Stevie Knicks and of course, Tina Turner…..

and

2)A mum. Married with 2 kids before I was 25, please and thank you.

I was ‘that’ annoying person at school who didn’t really have to try too hard to get decent grades. I didn’t really study for exams except for the final Year 12 ones where I crammed the night before.

I didn’t have to put in too much effort… and I sat at ‘average’. I wasn’t in the top classes at school. I wasn’t in the bottom classes at school. Average marks. Average at sports. Average. And I was ok with this.

I didn’t want to go to University. Although there was a fair amount of pressure from the teachers to do more PES subjects than SAS subjects because of the points and they would tell me it was about ‘creating choice’.

I didn’t hate school. But I kind of oscillated from wanting to be a lawyer or a teacher to being on stage. And the biggest thing was that I didn’t see the point of busting my ass, to create more pressure so I could get a ‘good score’  so I had my choice of University Courses…. Courses that I didn’t want to do!

I didn’t really talk to my friends about it. I had made the decision that I’d have a gap year and that I could always apply to Uni at a later stage if I wanted. I wanted to work. I wanted to make money. I thought I might do a ‘spot of travel’.

I didn’t know what I wanted to ‘be’. Well, that’s BS, actually! I did in fact know what I wanted to be.

I wanted to be a wife and a Mum. I wanted to be loved. Deeply. Passionately. Blissfully. Totally!

I dreamed of the white picket fence. 2.3 kids. The perfect husband, naturally. Inspired by Scott and Charlene’s wedding, I could see myself walking down the aisle, Cheshire cat grin on my face…. Deeply in love.

I dreamed of the babies. Those gorgeous little babies that would call me Mum! I wanted to be a young Mum. I wanted to make sure that I had the energy to do whatever I wanted to do with the kids, and let’s face it! I figured that by the time I was 40-45 (which sounded ANCIENT back then) I would ‘have my life back’ and could travel and do whatever we wanted with our lives then. I felt certain that my high school boyfriend and I would get married. (Poor dude! What pressure! Not that he knew it, I don’t think. But far out! This hindsight thing is fascinating, isn’t it?).

I was not career-driven. I didn’t imagine that I would work – except for perhaps part-time, helping out at school while the kids were there. I wanted my husband ‘well off’ or in a good job so that I would do all the home things and he would do all the other things and VOILA! Happy. Ever. After.

And then…. Some things changed.

I finished school and did not apply for Uni. I didn’t think it was right to apply to do a degree in something I wasn’t interested in, really. And I honestly didn’t think it was the right thing to potentially take the place of someone else who REALLY wanted to get in. All the hoo-hah at school with the career counsellors was all “There are limited places. You have to get the best score. Apply anyway, no matter what, you can always pull out”. Again, pressure.

I was working for my parents in one of their three shops that they had the time and I loved going into the bank to do the banking! I’d stand in line, watching the business tellers counting money, laughing, and talking and having a grand old time! I was inspired! To witness people having FUN at work was awesome! Don’t get me wrong, we had fun in the shop. It was filled with Hallmark cards, crazy gifts, Cartoon things, collectibles and clothing. Loads of licenced products like Ren & Stimpy, Southpark and AFL gear. We had a great time… but I decided I wanted to branch out.

I applied for a job with one of the Big 4 Banks in Aus and got the job! I could type like a ninja, I could talk to people and apparently, my aptitude testing was pretty good, too! Role plays involving other people. They were fun!!!

Within the Bank, I could see that there were opportunities to have more fun! I thought that working my way from the ‘burbs and landing in head office would have me feeling successful. I was 19 and dreamed of working in The City. And I did! The main branch back then was on the corner of King William St and North Tce in Adelaide. It’s since been converted into a restaurant! I want to go, just to go back down to the vaults where we literally counted millions of dollars and see if it’s like how I remember it.

I became ambitious! I could see a pathway. I wanted to learn; I was so eager.

The thought of being a kept woman, the thought of having kids now…. NOPE! I had a career to build!

Something that helped me, I believe, was that I was young and eager. I just wanted to learn, grow and get better and better.

I was successful in all but one of the jobs I applied for internally and I felt like I was ‘making it’!

I found out at 22 that I was pregnant. I was SO excited! I was thrilled. It was a bit surprising to me to find that I was still in love with the idea of being a Mum. The wife thing, the perfect family thing, though. Not the right partner for that to happen.

There was no way that I was going to be able to stay at home and do all the things that I dreamed about as a kid – and by the way, I had become very accustomed to being ambitious, being great at my job, and I loved working. I didn’t want to stay at home. Not that there was really any choice. .

Some crappy stuff happened and long story short, I met Dom when my oldest was 18 months old and he’s been her father ever since.

Upon meeting Dom, there was no way I was going to let anyone be in control of my future or my life! Poor thing! I was definitely independent, ambitious, still fabulous of course, and very driven. All these things seemed to have grown on me through both experience and circumstance.

There have been different seasons throughout this part of my life. I had two more children, and I went back to work reasonably early with each of them – for two reasons. At the time, we needed the money and secondly, because I realised that I would go stir crazy if I was to stay home and not work.

I love work.

I love working.

I love having another side to me than the mother side.

To me, you see, I used to think that it was an EITHER OR.

You’d be a stay-at-home Mum. Doing all the things that they do: everything. That somehow, I would have to end up being The Wife. Someone who was ‘owned’ almost by their partner. Zero independence. Zero ability to make my own choices and decisions.

I would be a kept woman.

Question for you. Do you have any massive aversions or things that almost make you gag? For me, it’s feet. Feet that are older than perhaps 7 years of age. Vomit. Don’t make me touch them. Please don’t make me look at them! The older they are, the worse it is. I don’t like people touching my feet. Under sufferance (and because it’s necessary) I’ll put up with a pedicure and toe paint… but I do not enjoy it all!

The thought of being a kept woman creates a similar visceral reaction in my body as that!!!! My face kind of twists. I just don’t think it’s for me.

I used to judge those who were women like this. I used to wonder what on earth they did all day. Do you just drink coffee and eat scones and talk about all those poor people out there who have to work for a living!?!!?

I’m not proud of it. But it’s legitimately how I used to think.

Over the past few years, I’ve thought about different options on and off.

Our financial position is a lot different to how it was a decade ago.

I could, if I wanted, not work. Our lifestyle might change a little. MY lifestyle would change a little – no more solo trips to the Goldie for work!!!!! No more solo international travel for work!!!

I could do it if I wanted to…

But it’s not how I’m wired these days.

I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago. 20 years ago. 30 years ago.

I am so much more.

My choices these days are made because I know in my heart of heart, my soul of souls that I am doing exactly the things that I am here to do.

That I am being exactly who I am here to be.

Showing my children by example that actually, you don’t have to go to Uni if you don’t want.

Or you can if you want.

Or you might choose to enrol when you’re 40+ like I did (and decided to do a doctorate!!!! WTF!?!??!?).

Or you might not.

I asked my second daughter last night if she thought that she might get married one day and she literally guffawed out loud!!! She said oh hell no!!! (She’s 14 ½. I am quite happy with this thinking, right now!).

At 14 I was dreaming about the whole happily ever after thing, in between singing to the crops over the back fence convincing myself that I was EXACTLY the right person to host the tv show I was acting out. Yes. On my own!!!

Being the more ‘mature’ person I am today, the more mellowed person I am today, I hope the more gracious person I am today, I have come to this conclusion:

It’s actually more than ok if you want to be a kept woman.

It’s not for me. I crave independence even within my very happy family life.

It’s actually more than ok if you want to be a full-time entrepreneur. Ambitious. Achieving. Independent.

Sometimes things will run their course. Sometimes they’re sustainable forever.

Whatever you choose is perfect.

And know, that sometimes, things change, too.

Different seasons, ya know?

The biggest thing, however, is the reminder for me, that I actually have the BEST of both worlds!

I have the amazing family. Wonderful kids. 3 children (not the 2.3 that I imagined). Dom is better than I could have imagined he would be. We certainly have done our fair share of things not working, though, and then we did ‘the work’ to get us to where we are today. I have the house. The lifestyle. The life.

Plus. I have my own gig. My independence. My freedom to choose to do whatever the heck I want within all of this.

I didn’t realise that I could have had ‘it all’. I thought it would be an all or nothing.

What a trip!

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