“You’re such a narcissist” .. the label nobody wants.

One of the big fears that many people have – particularly therapists, entrepreneurs, business owners, authors, artists, and professionals – is the fear of people thinking that they’re out there just tooting their own trumpet believing that their gods’ gift to their industry or their clients.

I’ve worked with 100’s of people like this over the years and spoken to thousands of people who have told me that the last thing in the world they want anyone to say about them is that they’re promoting themselves thinking that they’re better than anyone else.

Narcissism as defined by Oxford languages is as follows:

Noun: excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance.

In the psychological context: selfishness, involving a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

Every single one of my clients and the people I have spoken to over the years most definitely DO NOT lack empathy! They don’t have an overriding need for admiration. And they do not have a sense of entitlement! There’s no excessive interest in admiring themselves.

You see, to me, it’s an important thing to care about how you look. It’s an important thing to believe in yourself and what you’re doing. To admire yourself, of course. It’s important to be selfish to some degree….

But here’s the thing. You’re not going to go out there and market yourself for the sole reason of doing the above.

You’re getting out there and marketing yourself (or you want to) because you want to help other people!!!! Your core driver is to create a great life for yourself and for others.

So, let’s take a look at this table below.

You can see the motivations that are below the line: To get love, if you’re reliant on external validation, if you’re looking for fame, attention, affection AND you have no empathy for anyone else… ultimately this means you are purely self-involved and only are looking for success for yourself… then, you are probably being very narcissistic if you’re going ‘out there’ doing what you’re doing, self-promoting and marketing yourself purely from that angle.

Conversely, if you’re wanting to get yourself out there because you know it’s going to benefit your audience, your potential clients, your clients and yourself then you are not a narcissists.. and anyone who decides to accuse you of that is plain and simple an asshole! Hahahha! Harsh? Maybe. True, though? Yes.

They are probably jealous of you.

They are probably wishing they could do what you are doing.

They are probably wishing that they had the knowledge, guts and determination that you do.

The thing is, that in order for you to build confidence in others so they can see your amazingness (you are amazing), your badassery (you are a badass!), your brilliance you have to have a certain level of bravado and self-confidence to put yourself out there. You have to have this.

You do not, however, need to go out there saying that you’re the best. You are, though. You are the best at being you! You are the best at helping people in the way that you help people. It does not in any way shape or form take away from anyone else in your industry, though!

This is not the Olympics. There is not just one person who is best in the world on any given day. You are always the best at being you. It does not detract from anyone else in your industry.

Let’s look at it another way.

If you go ‘out there’ and you wear the persona of being timid. Of speaking in a way that doesn’t inspire confidence. Of appearing doubtful in your abilities….. what kind of impression are people going to have of you?

They will probably think that you don’t know what you’re doing.

You have an obligation to get yourself out there…

You have an obligation to be the BEST version of you …

You have an obligation to inspire confidence in others’ when it comes to your abilities to help others.

That isn’t narcissism.

That is showcasing yourself in the best light possible!!!!!

But how do you do that?

You come back to what it looks like above the line.

Are you marketing yourself with intention? From a place of service? Are you adding value with everything you’re putting out there? Are you inspiring confidence?

Could you imagine coming across a hairdresser marketing themselves online saying “I think I can help you” or saying, “I might be able to colour and cut your hair the way you’d like”? You probably wouldn’t go to them after seeing someone else saying “I know I can do your hair the way you want” and “I have been doing hair for 5 years and specialise in blondes” … you’d choose the second one. Not because you imagine they’re full of self-importance and ego.. but because they’re standing by what they can do.

And you can too.

The below the line reasons shown are the wrong reason for marketing yourself – and probably the wrong reasons for growing a business. After all, solely being ego driven is likely to end in tears.

The above the line reasons are the ‘right’ reasons to market yourself.

Show up with confidence.

Show up with intention.

Show up with volition.

Show up with humility.

Show up being the best version of yourself.

Stand by and stand up for what you do and what you can do to help people.

Add value every single day.

And remember that if you are doing this, if you are doing it from this place then anyone who has something to say about it quite frankly doesn’t know what the heck they’re talking about!

You’ve got this, my friend.

Your people need to hear from you.

They need to learn from you.

They need your expertise.

They need your way of helping them.

It is, in fact, your duty to show up and let them know that you’re one of the good ones! That you are someone who can help them. That you are someone that they can trust.

‘Kay?

You’ve got this! Now, get out there and help some people!

The World Is Ready For Your Brand of Awesome.