There are three basic human fears. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of not being loved. And the fear of not belonging.
Years ago, when I did my first round of PD and training to be a style coach, I learned a mot powerful and profound phrase that I NEEDED to hear! “It’s not my business what anyone else thinks of me”. Now, it might not seem like much..but it was a BIG thing for me.
These days it’s nowhere so much of a thing, but let’s rewind five years.
Five years ago I was stuck in the corporate wheel of more, more, more – more work, more pressure, more results required, more blood sweat and tears that needed to be poured into my role. I loved what I did but I hated the way that things were shifting and changing because it was this CONSTANT more more more more more more.
I wanted a different kind of life than that of a corporate drone who started work at 8am, finished at 6pm, picked up kids from after school care and daycare, to get them home, throw food down their throats, throw them into bed and then fall onto the couch exhausted as I worked from the laptop to try and get everything done.
It was most certainly not my idea of a ‘good work-life balance’ that corporate giants to tend to promote as something they care about.
Anyway. It was what it was and I decided that enough was enough. I completed some training that changed everything for me. The way I saw the world. The way I interacted. But most importantly, perhaps, was the suggestion that maybe…just maybe… there could be more!
So I left the corporate banking world and embarked on the journey of being a full time entrepreneur! I was scared. Impressionable and DAMN DRIVEN!!!! There was no going back.
I had been running seminars for the bank for a couple of years before I left and continued to do different workshops and presentations to help people with what I was doing and I LOVED IT!!!!
Until… I started listening to that little voice in my head that started asking “Who the hell do you think you are?”
For a start-up business owner whose business it is to help others, this is a VERY distracting thing to deal with. If you listen to it too much, it will unhinge you. It can derail you. It can REALLY UPSET THE APPLE CART – and not in a good way!!!!!
My mantra became “It’s not my business what anyone else thinks of me”.
I took this with me to workshops … but even though I had this running through my head, I still held off on reading the ‘feedback sheets’ for about a week because I PETRIFIED of what people would say. However, every single time, there was GREAT feedback in there! I had nothing to worry about. I over-delivered every time. I gave more than I promised I would and people were really really happy!
There have been things that have happened over the last 2 years though that have really tested my resolve with this mantra. I was faced with a MEAN GIRLS scenario that I had to deal with – THAT was NOT fun!!!!!
I had a woman get all up in my face to give me ‘a bit of constructive feedback’!!! Um. Yes but no.
You see I’ve run SO MANY workshops, events, retreats, in-person things, online trainings and everything in between that it doesn’t matter to me if ONE PERSON IN FIVE YEARS tells me that they’re not happy.
A few years ago, this would have DERAILED ME for a good three months. I would have questioned everything. Doubted my abilities. These days, though, I find it interesting that people feel the need to give ‘constructive feedback’. My personal opinion is that some people feel like they need to be heard and it’s more about making them feel better about whatever it is that’s going on rather than focussing on WHAT THEY CAN TAKE AWAY AND LEARN FROM IT.
Here’s the thing:
YOU CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY.
These days, for the most part, I still care what people think about me but it DOES NOT MAKE ME CHANGE ANYTHING.
I am me. I do what I do. If you don’t like it, go find someone else to follow and learn from.
If you don’t like me, I AM SO HAPPY!!!!! Go find someone else to like and follow.
DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY ABOUT YOU.
It’s not your business what anyone else thinks about you.
YOU. ARE. AWESOME. ALREADY.
