I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a Mum. Ever since I could remember I KNEW that I would have one child before I was 25. I just knew that it would happen!
I dreamed as a child of the perfect life. The perfect husband. Perfect family…
I had a GREAT childhood. I didn’t want for anything. Things weren’t always ‘flush’ but I always had EVERYTHING that I wanted – and then some, if you really think about it!
I recall visiting my great-grandmother in the assisted living home that she was in. She would’ve been about 85 years old at this point.. and I remember her asking me what it was that I wanted to ‘do’ when I grew up.
I remember telling her, well, I like old people and I like kids… so maybe I’ll work in an old people’s home and be a mother. That was it.
I didn’t WANT the career. I didn’t WANT to do the whole ‘professional’ thing even back then! I had times when I would jump now and then and say “Oh. I think I’d be a good teacher” or “I can argue till the cows come home, maybe I’ll be a lawyer!!!”.
I DID, however, around the age of 14 I think, decide I wanted to start making money. I talked Mum and Dad into letting me be an AVON rep. So I’d get them to drive me around while I’d drop catalogues in, I’d walk to the doors of the people who hadn’t left their book out or who hadn’t placed an order. It was GREAT!!! My first inkling of financial independence!
I got a job working in a sports store when I was 16 and that was really the start of it all.
I worked HARD at that job! I ran the entire time I was there. I was there early and I finished late. I wanted to be the best!
Around this time, I had a boyfriend and I had visions of getting married, having kids, and doing the whole ‘wifey’ thing. I was barely 17!!!!! We were together for about 2 1/2 years until he broke it off.
I BELIEVE in romance. I believe in LOVE. I believe in happy ever after.
Yet. That wasn’t to be with this particular guy. I didn’t understand what had gone wrong, but the 19 year old me knew that I’d obviously done something ‘wrong’.
So I hardened up. Because I wouldn’t be hurt like that again, let me tell you.
I immersed myself in my helping my parents with one of the shops that they had at the time and I decided that I needed to get out ‘and see the world’. I used to do the Banking for the shop and I LOVED going into the Commonwealth Bank and chatting with the Tellers in there. They seemed to just sit there, chatting, counting money and they had a GRAND old time.
I decided one morning that I wanted a job like theirs!!!! And so I went and found one!
I started working for a different bank, where I stayed for 12 years! I loved the system. The certainty. The ‘Yes, we shut at 4pm’!!! hahaaa!
I WANTED the structure. I wanted to feel like I was in control. I wanted to get results.
I WANTED TO SELF PROTECT. Because system and structure mean you don’t have to FEEL so much, right? Well, that was my thinking, anyway.
I fell pregnant my first child at 22 after I’d been working for a few years.
For me, though, after about 10 years I was looking for something more. I wanted to do more It was like the ‘thing’ inside of me just bursting to come out could no longer be suppressed.
My PLAN A didn’t turn out how I thought that it would when I was younger. I didn’t envisage a corporate career. I didn’t envisage a shitty DV relationship. I didn’t envisage having a child at the age of 23 before all my friends. I didn’t envisage ‘armouring up’ to protect myself and not really seeing that until my mid 30’s!
ALL IN OR NOT AT ALL.
So yes, I was pretty intense – I always have been.
FULL. ON!
My Plan A didn’t turn out the way that I thought it would.
PLAN B IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN PLAN A!!!!!
My Plan B involved me being on my own. Creating my own path for my daughter and I. I had resolved in my head that things would be GREAT and that if/when someone else came along, well, that would be AWESOME, however, if it didn’t happen then so be it.
When I was 16, I thought that my purpose was to have babies. Be a mother. To FIERCELY LOVE that person that I was with without reservation.
I realise TODAY that this IS my purpose. My work is ALSO my purpose.
I LOVE FIERCELY. I FIGHT for those I love. I am crazy loyal. I like to think that I do the right things by people – in the best way that I CAN on all levels.
Yes, I screw up.
Yes, I am not perfect.
Yes, there are people out there that don’t like me.
I say REMEMBER THERE’S ALWAYS ANOTHER PLAN! And that just because the first ATTEMPT (or 29th attempt or 100000th attempt) doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean that it will always not work!
So, My PLAN ZZ 2.0 is working out just beautifully!! I have three AMAZING children who inspire me every day in my commitment to step up and be the best mum (and everything else!) that I can possibly be. This plan has manifested the most amazing husband who I know loves us all – and especially me – beyond what I could have imagined possible. My first family are AMAZING – Mum, Dad and my brother. Things haven’t always gone the way that I wanted them to, however, PLAN ZZ 2.0 never fails to deliver.
REMEMBER. No matter what. There is always a new, different step that you CAN take if you look for it. There is
xox