Note: This is a bit messy. I’m rolling around in the arena as I write this. I don’t know the answers. But I’m willing to have a go at articulating what I’m thinking about….

 

 

You know that it’s ok to be both an advocate and an ally AND post about your business. It’s ok. Or not. Whatever is in alignment for you is what’s right for you, right now. There is a place for both and either or.

 

We are all getting a lesson in polarisation. Some people agreeing with what’s happening and how, others disagreeing with what’s happening and how.

 

We’re seeing, as we usually do, people voicing their opinion… it’s a lot louder today in the coaching and personal development world….

 

It’s like the coaching world is burning along with the riots….and the protests and the fires… and I don’t have or presume to know the answers. Except that there are going to be people who will agree with you and there will be people who won’t.

 

I think it’s necessary for us to be able to do better with where we’re at. With how we handle racism. With identifying it. With learning how to unlearn it. With how to be more inclusive. With how to be more tolerant. With how to be better humans.

 

Yet. The people who I have seen vilified have, for the most part, been trying to be better. They’ve been posting about their businesses. They’ve been sharing their offers. They’ve left their ads running.

 

At the same time, they’ve been trying to learn. They’ve been trying to do better. I’ve seen them vulnerably asking for guidance with where to go and how to navigate this. They are asking how they can be better humans. Note: They have not been asking BIPOC necessarily how to do this… they’ve just been asking.

 

I’m going to lean on a bit of Brené Brown wisdom here… The way I see it (and I’m sure there are many who will view it differently), is these people have walked into the arena. An arena where they have asked how to help, fallen down, got dusted up, stood back up again, hat in hand, asking again how to help.

 

Yet. What seems to have happen, is that instead of those who were already in the arena putting out their hand to help them get back up, they’ve kicked the dirt in their faces.

 

They have shamed these people. They have belittled and humiliated these people.

 

Now. This raises the question of ‘does the end justify the means’? We’re all wanting to come together. We’re all wanting to build better relationships. We’re wanting to be better for each other, but does that really happen when people are tearing each other down?

 

I personally believe that we can call each other in and out on issues without being aggressive. Without shaming someone else for not knowing HOW to have conversations. If you know how to have these conversations, point us in the ‘right’ or better direction.

 

 

Would you teach your daughter to interact this way with other girls? Imagine she’s 13 years old would you advocate for the way that I’ve seen people treat other people in the last week or so? Or would you find  way to help them come together and ‘rumble’ a la Brené Brown, and work through the hard, tough and uncomfortable conversations?

 

Honestly. I’m sad. My heart hurts for George Lloyd. For BIPOC. For people are in minority groups. For the people who are harmed and hurt because society hasn’t done better by them for a very, very long time.

 

It hurts for all the people who are being hurt by the venom being flung around the internet.

 

I think we should be having conversations versus hurling accusations. There are better ways to help other people learn that what they’ve done is hurtful.

 

I think we should be leading rather than dictating… and I appreciate that what I’m suggesting could be taken / interpreted in a way in which it’s not intended. But where it’s coming from, is me imploring you to find a better way.

 

You don’t look better by naming, shaming and dragging someone through the mud.

 

The BIPOC I know, because I’ve been listening, are hurting. It’s not fair. It’s fair for them.

 

That’s also no reason or justification for shaming someone else when the majority of us are trying to learn and are trying to be better.

 

I’m not presuming any level of authority with telling you how you should think or feel… but I do feel like there should be less persecution.

 

The polarisation that’s occurring at the moment is undeniable.

 

You can do that with your opinions about things that are happening around the world.

 

You can do that with the way that you advocate for change.

 

You can do that with the stories that you share.

With the causes you support.

 

You will, without doubt, alienate people.

 

You will, without doubt, lose followers and fans. Because not everyone is going to agree with you.

 

It’s the way of all things. Not everyone is going to like you.

 

 

But if you are showing up…. If you are willing to share your opinions from a place of alignment and integrity… from a place of heart…and in a way that causes the least amount of damage….  then I take my hat off to you for showing up in the arena.

 

 

I’ve debated on whether to share this or not. And honestly, right now as I type it, I’m still not sure.

 

But what I can tell you, is that if this is seeing the light of day, it’s because I don’t want to see anyone else hurt if I can help it.

 

If I can use the little influence I have on the internet and on my platforms, to inspire people to not use shame as a tool, then this has to be a good thing.

 

Shame doesn’t help people open up. Shame doesn’t help people learn. It prompts them to shut down more, rather than open up.

 

For what it’s worth, my opinion is this. I think you can be, like me, an ally to BIPOC. You can learn and unlearn and be an advocate for what you believe in.

 

And you can still post about your business. You can still share your offers. You can still sell your sweet ass off if that’s what you feel aligned and called to do. And that’s nobody elses’ business but yours and the people who are out there, still in need of what YOU do so well.

 

 

#Blacklivesmatter #ally