Why is it that some people seem to have no problem with setting boundaries and expectations, yet others have rings run around them?

Some people seem to respect them and be totally okay with it, and others, well, not so much.

One of the boundaries that I have in my life and world these days is that nothing happens until we’ve been for a morning walk. Unless there’s something extreme happening, but essentially, that’s it.

And then I come home and work out.

And then I journal.

And then I have a shower.

And then I make coffee <– VERY important

And then I get to work.

These are my boundaries. My expectations. My disciplines.

Because self care is critical to me being able to do what I need to do.

It also helps to clear the space for the day.

It allows the inspiration to come through for whatever it is that I’m to share and talk into today.

Funnily enough, it also always ties in with whatever intention I set for the week, because that’s the way that the Universe works, right? Always giving you what you have set in motion.

There are three main types of boundaries.

The first we’ll talk about are Sloppy boundaries. These are pretty self-explanatory. These are the ones where you say “Ok! Diet starts tomorrow” and then tomorrow comes and you’re like “Oh, but I have xyz on this weekend, I’ll start it after that”…sloppy! Chopping, changing and malleable.

If you look at your kids, you’ll know you have sloppy boundaries in place if you say “Ok! You can play fortnite for one hour” and then four hours later, they’re still talking to their friends through the remote asking them to help them out on the helicopter. (Ok.. is that just me??)

The second set of boundaries are soft or sometime boundaries. These are boundaries that you tend to pick and choose when to enforce. And honestly, these are potentially the worst boundary offender. People tend to just lack the discipline to be consistent with these ones. These are the ones that you pick and choose – eg. I am no longer drinking champagne. And you stick to it for 2 weeks and then you’re like yeah, nah, I’ll do it this time. Then you put it back in place the following week.

The third type is firm boundaries.

These are my FAVE because they make you actually be very black and white about them

These are ones that you have the discipline to uphold no matter what is going on.

Now, some might say that this requires ‘will power’ and I say BULLSHIT to that.

It just requires you making a choice for what you want to do.

In marketing and business, this looks like setting standards of what you ACCEPT into your world and into your business.

It’s how you teach and train your friends and family to support you and interact with you regarding your business, your money making activities, your marketing, EVERYTHING.

But. Here’s the thing. You can’t expect everyone to GUESS the ‘right’ way to interact with you because they don’t know what your boundaries are.

Hands up those of you who have had family members or friends (or even the general public) provide you with ‘feedback’ on how you should be when you’re marketing yourself? “Oh, you could do this, it would be great” or “I don’t know why you have to speak for so freaking long, just get to the point. Nobody has time to listen to all of that”..

—- As an aside, my oldest daughter came into my office recently after I got off a Facebook live that had gone for maybe 20-25 mins. She said “Mum, you shouldn’t talk for so long. People don’t watch them”…. I said, “Well honey. My audience aren’t 17. And if they want to hear what I have to say for the whole thing, that’s great. They might only hop on for 2 minutes, but they’ll get what they need. I need to speak for as long as I need to speak for in order for the message to get out”… she kind of rolled her eyes! —

The thing with boundaries is that people will often push back against them if you haven’t UPHELD them in the past.

So it will require you to be okay with some potential push back. ß Like setting the boundary “you can play fortnite between 1p-3p and that’s it for the day”. They won’t like it necessarily, but they’ll know what the expectation is.

I set a boundary with my husband a few years back when I wasn’t making much money in business. He would ask me “So, Nic, when are you going to start making money? If it’s not soon, you’ll need to go and get a job”… Now, this is the man who has backed every single business decision (sometimes kicking and screaming!!!) that I have made because he believes in ME and he sees the faith that I have in my business and my future. I KNOW that I am on my way to being a self-made multi-millionaire. I KNOW that I am great at what I do and the way that I do it. And he’s inspired and confident in my faith in myself.

But when he used to ask me “So, when are you going to start bringing in the money” it would add stress, anxiety and more stress onto my already stress fuelled mind.

In the end I chose to sit down with him and have a pretty frank conversation.

I said to him “Babe, I know you love me. And I know that I need to make money. I just need you to believe in me and back me. So please don’t ask me that question again. I am doing everything that I can. I know I can make this work, I don’t know HOW but I know it will. From now on, please keep your money stress and money questions to yourself. I well aware of our financial situation don’t worry. Please just say, “Babe, you’ve got this” if I bring up some kind of money worry. If I talk about my fears with going big, if I worry with you about a program working or not, just say “Babe, you’ve got this”. Because I need you backing me 100000% . Is that okay?”

And he was like “of course. And ok. I do believe in you and I know you will make it work. Sometimes I just worry. And yes, I will do that”.

And from that day forth, I think literally since 2012, he’s asked me a question about money no more than ½ a dozen times.

These boundary conversations aren’t always easy to have, because they tend to involve the people in our worlds that we care about – clients, friends and family.

What I can tell you, however, is that they will also set you free and everyone knows then, how to best SUPPORT YOU.

And we all need the support of the people we love.

Nicola