Today I don’t want to play. I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend that the world doesn’t exist.
I want to EMU. I want to stick my head in the sand and just ignore everything – and everyone. Thing is, I can’t. I wish I could, but it would seem that the Universe has other plans.
I feel a bit like I’m teetering on a tightrope today… high above the floor where the air is a little thinner. The wobble and the flex and the dance that is trying to keep your balance.
I have been living with anxiety for as long as I can remember.. although I didn’t know what that feeling in my tummy was until after it was gone. The tightness in my stomach, the constantly holding myself in, the tightness in my chest…. I believe I’ve had that feeling since I was about 14 years old.
I remember talking to a friend of mine who I met as part of a mastermind I was in years ago (seems I make the majority of my good friends this way!) and we were talking about marketing and my take on it, and we were talking about magic, soul stuff and crazy amazing golden liquid balls of light which was her stuff.
We did some work together, where I helped her and she helped me… one day I remember talking to her, sharing that I felt like there had been a weight lifted from my solar plexus…. I then further went to think on how long it had been since I had NOT felt that pressure there, that tightness there… and I can’t. I just remember it always being there.
As I scan my physical body for signs of tension and anxiety today, I note that the feeling is there. It’s not always there these days, thank goodness. In fact, most days it’s not. But today, like the memories from yesteryear, bam, there it is.
On a day when I am dealing with and working through this, this is what tends to happen….
I note that I am particularly scattered in my thinking. I start something, get distracted easily. I can be halfway through making the bed and then I remember I was halfway through making coffee, then I remember I was partway through writing a blog and then I remember I was partway through making the bed again.
Then, I get a notification from social media that someone has commented or posted and I get sucked into the black hole that is scrolling… to be interrupted by an email notification coming through. I check that and then I remember I was part way through writing a blog, making the bed, tidying up, making a coffee and I knew there was something else I had to do………..
You can feel it, too, right? That downwards spiral as you read this? I know it’s not just me.
So, when I know that this what’s happening, the thing I tend to do is this:
I stop. I breathe. I check in with where the feelings are. I ponder for a while on why I’m feeling like it and what triggered it.
Today I know the answer. I’m supposed to be travelling to Queensland in a couple of weeks to run a 2-day intimate event. I’m supposed to be having a photoshoot that week. I have a day off where I have nothing but beach and relaxing and me time scheduled in. But…. There has been a Covid ‘outbreak’ up there.
So, what I did was look at the reality of what’s happening. I have reminded myself that it’s 2 weeks away… that the worst-case scenario is that I self-isolate when I come home (could be worse for the introvert in me!!!!!). And again, I remind myself that actually a lot can happen in two weeks and how about I not worry about something that’s still so far away? In reality, it is.
I guess for me, the only thing that would have the event NOT go ahead is if the state or the area is in a red zone lockdown where there are only 4 reasons you can leave your home. I can deal with everything else! It doesn’t matter if it’s an orange zone to me. I can do what I need to do when I get back home. So, for me, what I’m thinking, is that from what we’ve seen over the past year (Can you believe it’s been a year that Aussies have been living with this…. And considering I live in Victoria… I know it can be a helluva lot worse than what it is right now!).
This particular blog today, however, isn’t about the ‘woe is me wah wah wah’… I want to be super specific about how anxiety shows up for me and what I do to combat it.
My first thought is often to run away. To go for a walk, to shake it off. To try do the things that can work…. However, something I’ve noticed of late, is that it comes back if I don’t deal with the things that are actually happening.
So instead, what I try to do is sit down in the discomfort. I think and journal and sometimes I’ll write to you. The third is the thing that I found worked for me, today! Tomorrow it might be different if I’m feeling like this, but I know I have options.
The overwhelm can be a lot. The feeling of being scattered is not something I cope with very well.
Some days, I need to down tools and scrub my house from top to bottom! And I tell you, lines in the carpet from vacuuming the shit out of your carpet is oh so satisfying to say the least! The smells of cleaning chemicals (don’t judge me)… ahhhh.
To me, it’s often about control.
I can feel overwhelmed and like I’m spinning and like I don’t have anything or anyone to grab on to, to help me. And so, I look for ways to feel like I am in control… because I always am, right? Just sometimes I can forget it.
There are always things that need to be done.
Social posts to put up.
Blogs to write.
Coaching to be done .
Appointments to keep.
Emails to reply to.
Marketing to critique.
Journaling to be done.
Tech to deal with.
Kids to wrangle.
Fires to put out.
Coffee to be made.
Client checkins.
There’s A LOT..
(But do you still hear the doorbell ring as friends and family drop-in because you ‘work from home’?! Um….. hello! WORKING!!!).
The BEST thing I can recommend for YOU in moments like these, is to know how to get the best out of yourself.
Have a plan for the week. Spend time on Sunday afternoon or first thing Monday morning plotting and planning the tasks that you need to do through the week and allocate them to a day of the week.
Then, on Monday all you need to do are the things on the Monday list. Tick them off as you do them. Write extra things you’ve done on there and then cross those off! (Hello you high achiever, I see you!!!! I do this ALL the time!).
At the end of the day, celebrate your accomplishments! You’re a badass and you made it through the day J Woot!
Tuesday, rinse and repeat.
If that feels all too big, first thing in the morning, think of THREE things you’ll do today. Then, work on ONE at a TIME. Not two at a time. Not three. Just one.
And if that feels too big, go and vacuum the damn carpet so there are lines it and note how amazing you feel! Then, tackle the things that you need to do next.
Find the activities you can control.
You cannot control what happens tomorrow or next week or in a fortnight (this is my mantra today). All you need to do is pick one thing right now that feels aligned, and that you can bring to completion. Then do just one more thing. Then, just one more thing. Then, just one more thing.
And today… if you need to EMU and hide because frankly everything might feel like it’s going to hell in a handbasket… GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to do something else. Or nothing. The world won’t end because you choose you today.
When I do this, I give myself permission to just veg (it doesn’t happen often, but when I do….)… I find that I end up with ideas, a blog will come through me or an intuitive hit will come to me, or something happens, and it’s almost like a second wind.
Most of all know that in a world of unknown, there are always things WITHIN you that you can control, and that is how you show up, TODAY.
Love you. You rock
X
PS. If you’re in Queensland, my plan is to still be up there in a couple of weeks to run the Hotseat I have planned. Block the 14 & 15thof April out of your schedule and get yourself booked in. We can deal with whatever else comes up if and when that happens. Xx
Details: 14 & 15th of April
Surfers Paradise, Gold Coast at the QT
We’ll run from 9.30a-4.30p* each day
