One of the things that’s really important to me is LIFESTYLE. The whole point of building a business online is so you have lifestyle, right?
“Lifestyle” in lockdown has been, well, interesting. I am one of the ‘lucky’ Victorians who has had the distinct pleasure of turning into somewhat of a hermit over the past 7 months. Minimal contact with ‘the outside world’. But I’ve been blessed to have built a business over the years that has meant that I have been able to work with minimal impact to our lives.
By accident? No. By design? HELLS YES.
It’s so interesting to me that for years I fought myself….
I tried to do things in ‘the way’.
I tried to do things in The Right Way.
But there are evolutions and revolutions of ourselves, as well, I believe.
I mean, for me, when I was starting out I was SO DAMN GRATEFUL to be told what to do, when to do it and how. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I was very very very much looking for someone to show me the way.
To lead me.
To inspire me.
To teach me.
To mentor me.
To help me.
To counsel me.
To train me.
I have invested so much money over the years to people like this, so that I could fill the gaps in my knowledge and in my skills – not in what I do but more in business, tactical type of things. Technical knowledge. Upskilling in modalities. Refinement of other skills
When it came to being ME, I’ve always been me… well, uh duh. Of course, I’m me… and you’re you. That can’t be taken away.
But it’s the way that we portray ourselves out there in the world that was the thing that I have found one of the hardest things to do throughout my journey as the Business Person that is Nicola Moras.
What’s kind of curious is that when I’m with YOU, my audience, my peeps, my posse, me crew, my tribe, my Hot Coal Clients I have no problem being me. Exactly the way that I am…
But when I had to do things for a different audience….. look out.
The year was 2011 and I had left work in the February. I had been invited to speak at an event locally to a group of young professionals. I had not long left corporate and was dying to make this business a success and felt like speaking at this particular event would be great exposure for what I wanted to do. What I wanted to do was to help people brand themselves in a way that had them feeling great, looking great and really cutting through the noise with their visible presence.
The thing was that the people I had presented for in the past were in Bank World. I had 12 years under my belt, so I knew exactly what I was talking about. I knew exactly how to answer their questions and I knew that I had been great at doing those presentations because I really deeply new my ‘stuff’.
Fast forward to this event. I knew my stuff, but I hadn’t yet mastered it in the same way that I had at the bank. Plus, it was a ‘Young Professionals’ night… and I really deeply badly truly wanted to impress. I wanted to rock it out.
The days leading up to it, I practiced my talk over and over and over and over again. Out loud. In my head. Lost sleep over it. I was desperate to make a great impression.
The day of the event I woke up and I had lost my voice! No. Shit. I was beside myself. I didn’t have a mic on the night. I had to project far far to the back of the room. I was devasted. Naturally I still showed up and did it. But far out.
The thing with this particular night, though, was that I erred on the side of caution in an attempt to ‘appeal to most’ on the night…. Until right towards the end I dropped in an ‘f’ bomb to wake the crowd up… and oh did it?!!?!!?? I had asked for people to leave ‘feedback’ on a form for me that I could use for testimonials to promote myself further… It took me 3 days to read them. There was one out of room of 60 that said that I ‘shouldn’t have sworn’ and that it ‘was unnecessary’.
Perhaps it was and perhaps it wasn’t. But I’m a swearer from way back and I KNEW that swearing was a great tool to use as a pattern interrupt and so I did! The week following that event, however, all I could do was focus on that ONE negative piece of feedback. I was devastated. I was fresh into this and still finding my feet. Still finding my way… and I knew that if I had my time again, I’d do the same thing! But the thought of someone not approving of me…. Gosh.
It’s not very often that I present to people who are not my audience these days. But a couple of years ago I was asked if I wanted to run a morning class for a group of women as part of a community that I was a part of. I jumped at the opportunity! This was 2018….. the year that I declared if it’s not fun I’m not doing it. To get to speak about things that I was passionate about, in front of a group of people who I knew would benefit, PHWOOOOAR!!!! I was excited!!!
I prepped for this event a week in advance. Again, I knew my stuff and had been talking about it for near on 8 years, so it was a no brainer. The only ‘real’ difference from the 2011 event to this one, was that I was talking about how to do the same kind of thing ONLINE versus in person. The directive was that there was to be more about the actual platforms rather than just general information.
This event was happening in Sydney and I flew in the night before. Spent some time getting to know the area and thought I was set. The day of the event I couldn’t find the way to get into the venue. I had walked around the city. I had blisters on my feet. I was flustered and nervous and OH MY GAWWWWD it sucked ass. It was the WORST morning ever.
I got there, my computer slides wouldn’t work so I could see my notes.
The tech wasn’t playing along.
I was nervooooouuuuuuus and felt like a complete fraud.
For this particular event, I did something I NEVER do. Well, I can’t say ‘never’ because I obviously did it for this event. I had more than 10 words on slides. I generally have 4-5 words on slides!!! I want people engaged with ME not the slide!!!
I had been running professional, slick and AMAZING events (if I do say so myself) for YEARS. I knew what worked. I knew my stuff. I knew my stories. I knew the stats. I knew the process. I knew exactly how to do what I was doing…
And instead of TRUSTING that I knew all of that….I completely changed the way that I would normally do things. I changed things to the way I ‘thought’ would be what they wanted to see, ready and hear.
I changed the way I delivered.
I changed the way I told stories.
I was, again, finding myself desperate to impress the people in the room. To prove to them that I was worthy of them coming into the city at 7.30a-9a to listen to ME gabble on about social media, personal branding and standing out online.
I sucked at that event. I sucked. I was given some feedback on having less words on my slides. (Told you Nicola that you didn’t need all that freaking data!! You know your stuff). Overall I was told it was great. There some awesome key take aways.
But. I. Sucked.
Because I was trying to be someone I am not in order to impress a bunch of people I DIDN’T FUCKING KNOW!!!!! Well that’s not true. I knew some of them.
But I wanted to WOW them with my knowledge and prowess…. And what they got instead was a hot fucking mess and a few key points that I know changed the way they would market themselves online. Well, for some of them anyway.
I was dying on the inside with shame and embarrassment. The worst thing for me, is to have the feeling that people might be thinking that they wasted their time listening to me. That they could have stayed in bed – in fact, that they would have PREFERRED to stay in bed.
I squashed myself and my personality down into a small cube thinking that this is what people would have wanted…
Because for some silly reason I didn’t believe that the way I AM, the person who I am, the way I present, the way I AM WIRED would be accepted…and man was I verging on desperate to be accepted and approved of by these people.
*stab to the heart* at the realisation that I felt like a kid at school desperate to fit in with the cool kids. Sigh.
Following that event, as I broke it down and analysed the royal cluster fuck that it was (and it really really was. I flew home with a red face, feeling a deep sense of shame at the knowledge that I had really let down the woman who entrusted me with her people) and I swore to myself NEVER AGAIN.
Never ever ever-a-fucking-gain will I do this in this way.
Never again will I contort myself to try and fit into the mould of someone who I feel like I need to be in order to be accepted by someone else’s’ audience.
Man, what a learning curve though and what a reminder.
I got to practice this resolve at a few events following on from that and MY formula WORKED!!! The way I do things worked (uh duh). The way I had been doing things for YEARS worked – with other audiences that were not just mine!!!!!!!!!
AND THEN………..
Fast forward to this year. I had the opportunity to deliver a keynote for a client at an Australian first of its kind conference for Allied Health Professionals.
I had the promise to myself close to my heart. They asked for the slide deck… and what I sent them was very, well, let’s say, MINIMALIST!!!!!
Much like I had been using since 2013 at events – that tend to have one-six key words on there. Usually 2-3.
I sent it through saying that this is what I had, and naturally they were fine with it! They know me, they know my stuff and they had 18437108934% confidence that I would deliver for them the way that they knew I would.
But I was so nervous in the lead up.
This audience was one that I really wanted to serve – particularly the organiser.
I also had my not-negotiable stance FIRMLY in my body.
I waivered a bit in the lead up to it. I was going to stand while delivering and everyone else had been sitting down.
I was going to ask the audience to stand up and stand down and move around and do shit!!!! Nobody else had.
I had watched the previous sessions and DOUBT KICKED IN…..
What if I lose the people?
What if I don’t measure up to what my client wanted?
What if I let them down?
What if I have a repeat of the 2011 and the 2018 events?
MAYBE I SHOULD PLAY IT SAFE………
And then I promptly told myself off, put some music on and danced the nerves right out of my system, so by the time I was introduced, I was grounded, still nervous but also CONFIDENT in the knowledge of this:
Not everyone is going to like me.
Not everyone is going to resonate with me.
Not everyone is going to agree with me.
NOBODY else out there does things in the way that I do and that’s OKAY.
In fact, that’s freaking great!!!!
Because there’s space for them to do them and for me to do me.
Naturally, the keynote was a roaring success – most of all because I chose to be me and wasn’t hung up in impressing people. I just wanted to serve. To be the best version of me for my client. And to ROCK IT OUT.
I am COMPLETELY #UnapologeticAF with who I am these days.
Don’t like me? Ace, Bye! You might be back later when you realise that I’m right in the way that I do things… people often swing back around!!!!
Love me? Amazing!
Don’t have an opinion? Awesome.
I have zero fucks to give these days about how things ‘should’ be done.
Who want my help.
Who want to get past their own shit and ideas about how they ‘should’ do things and come back to themselves.
Because this level of being #unapologeticAF is freaking hard sometimes.
That third event I was talking about was just a couple of months ago!! I still have layers of fucks to shed!!! Hahahhaha!!
I can still go deeper into my version of being #UnapologeticAF.
What about you?
The World Is Ready For Your #UnapologeticAF Brand of Awesome!!
Nic xo
PS. Yes. #UnapologeticAF is starting on the 19th. Have you signed up yet?
What the heck are you waiting for? It will be the BEST $77 (or $177 if your style is more of a VIP style) you have ever spent.
7 days. Reset now. Sign up here: http://bit.ly/nmuaf