Feeling free….
I still remember to this day the feeling of riding my horse on dirt roads that formed the boundaries between farms over the main road near where I lived as a kid. The smell of the dirt, the feel of the leathery reigns between my hands.
I loved wearing my Dad’s old work shirts. He used to be the RAAF and the shirts were light blue, collared and long. We didn’t all have mobile phones back then that we actually took with us most places! So, Mum made sure that I had my name, phone number and address pinned to the inside of my shirt in case I fell off and was injured.
This horse of mine was a beauty. To me, anyway. Bay colouring (brown body, black mane and tail) that I would braid and plait. The smell of horsehair. The feel of his coat beneath my hands. Mmmmm. I can still smell it and feel the residue of the dirt and the oils in my hands.
Earthy.
Natural.
Sublime.
We’d go riding, him and I, across the main road, galloping and galloping. Walking, trotting… and I remember one particular road that was white. It was so strange. I imagined that it was covered in snow and we’d walk down it, reigns loose, almost plodding along as I imagined plodding through the snow.
I felt free.
Fast forward a few years and I’d go dancing 3-4 nights a week at nightclubs in the city. I grew up in Adelaide and my boyfriend had dumped me. So, my girlfriends and I reconnected and there was quite a while there, where we’d go out Wednesday – Saturday nights. Wednesday night was Timewarp night. Thursday night was dancing at the local pub that turned into a ‘club’! Friday night was typically a night of ending up wherever we felt like it and Saturday night was always hard core dance night.
I loved it!
I wouldn’t drink every night. We’d take it turns of driving to make sure we were all safe.
The smells. I remember the smells of the Illusions. The shakers. The smell of the club when you walk in. The smells of the early morning air and the shock of the cold on your skin when you walked out.
I felt free.
I got my first tattoo when I was 19. For those of you that know Adelaide, it was in a tattoo parlour on Hindley Street! (Sorry Mum & Dad! Hahaha!). It was quite a spur of the moment decision. A friend of mine had recently got one done and I loved it. So naturally, I got one, too! I remember lying down on the bed, pants half down (it’s on my tummy kind of near my pelvic bone) with another friend having her tattoo (a dolphin as I recall!) paper-stencilled on her before the tattoo gun was being pulled out.
She made me go first! She promised that she’d get hers done after me. She didn’t! hahhaha! She asked if it hurt and naturally I said yes! Not drunk. Not intoxicated in any way. And yes, it hurt! I got a tiger.
I loved it!
I felt free.
I felt free dancing. Man, oh man, I love to dance. With the lights pulsing and the music pumping. I still do to this day, actually. Although I don’t get to do it very often.
I felt free.
I always feel free when I’m dancing. You can’t wipe the smile off my face, usually! I don’t do it ‘well’ by the kids’ standards and I don’t really care! I love it.
I didn’t feel free when I resigned from corporate. I replaced an external set of expectations with an internal set of expectations. It was the opposite of feeling free.
I tried to do it ‘right’.
I tried to do it ‘properly’.
I tried to do it ‘perfectly’.
I tried to do it ‘quickly’.
I tried to do it ‘profitably’.
I tried A LOT and damn hard.
I did not feel free!!!!
I felt obligated in every sense.
Obligated to make money.
Obligated to be available all the time to my clients.
Obligated to my family.
Obligated to my vision.
Obligated to soul.
Obligated to everyone.
I did not feel free.
I did not feel free to BE.
I did not feel free to be ME.
I felt stuck for years.
And then things started to shift.
I spent a week away from the family, it was about 10 days, and I made $118K in sales in that week.
I got my 2nd tattoo that week to remind of what’s possible.
I was starting to feel a bit more free.
I started travelling and seeing more of the world. We were travelling more as a family. I was travelling more of my own.
I was starting to feel more free.
I knew that my brain is a funny thing though. I am highly visual and to remind myself to follow my dreams, I had it inked, on my right arm in French. Because, well, everything sounds so delicious in French!
As I started to let go of the old ‘stuff’. The old beliefs, the old ways of doing things, the things that I felt like I ‘had’ to do.. the things that I no longer wanted to do…
I started to feel more free.
At the very start of 2018 I declared if it’s not fun I’m not doing it.
I felt more free than ever.
I decided to write my book.
I decided to relaunch Sales & Marketing Spy School.
I decided to let go of all the old shit.
Yes, again. (Layers, right? According to Shrek “Ogres have layers” 😉 hahahaha)
I felt more free than ever.
August 2018 I decided I wanted to get a tattoo on my arm to again remind myself of the commitment to myself. Of the balance between creativity, energy, femininity, and fierceness.
I felt with this tattoo, something I had thought a lot about for a very very long time but didn’t have the courage to actually do, that it again was a huge symbol for me.
That I can do anything.
I felt free!
It’s been quite a ride, this business, and this life of mine.
What I am realising more and more is that I really need to be able to feel FREE with myself and my choices. In a way that works for my whole family and for myself.
When I’m roller skating – be it coaching, participating, training, or playing – I love it!
I feel so free.
When I’m by the ocean, walking on the beach, waking up to the salty air….
I feel free.
When I’m flying I feel free.
When I’m on stage I feel free.
When I’m delivering, I feel free.
When I’m coaching I feel free.
When I’m at the gym I feel free.
When I’m laughing with my kids I feel free.
When I’m goofing around with Dom I feel free.
When I’m driving I feel free.
When I’m making decisions on the next piece of art I want to wear – clothes, tattoos, make up, whatever – I feel free. .
I realised something today, though…
I realised that there are people out there who don’t feel like this.
Who haven’t had that experience?
Who don’t feel free with their content creation.
Who don’t feel free in their decisions.
Who don’t feel free when they’re walking outside.
I do feel very blessed today.
And every day.
To experience what I do and what I have.
I may not feel it all the time.
But I do know that all I need to do is tap in, and ask myself what is the next thing that I can do that will help me to FEEL that sense of freedom.
I think we could all use a bit more of that!
Can you remember a time when you felt free?
Riding your bike as a kid?
Dancing in the rain?
Singing in the shower?
Playing with your friends?
Flying somewhere?
Swimming?
Playing?
Reading a book?
See how you can bring that feeling of freedom into your daily life! Get it tattooed on yourself to remind yourself if you must, that you deserve it. That you are worthy. That you worth it. That you can have it. That you can do it. That you are able.
All you have to be is willing!!!
And sometimes you need to pretend that you’re riding the horse.
And sometimes you have to ‘give the horse their head’ and hold on for dear life. With your Dad’s shirt on. With your name, phone number and address pinned to the inside of it… just in case.
Man, he was a good horse. A great horse.
I miss him.
I hope he used to feel free when were galloping through the dirt roads checking out the farms and the crops and the houses on acres and acres and acres of land. I hope he felt the same sense of curiosity when we road along the Snow Road.
Here’s to feeling free.
Nicola x
PS. Something else that helps me to feel free, is the feeling of not having to worry about what I’m going to talk about each day. Not having to sit there and stew about how to add value to you. To not have to worry about if things are going to be relevant or on point or if they’re helpful.
You see, I came up with a process for myself to make it easier on me. I then tested it with clients and they loved it. And then I started teaching it specifically in VISIBLE | LIVE. The ultimate framework that helps you to FEEL FREE. Because you have clarity. You create content that is on message all of the time. You are relevant to your audience all of the time.
And they will love you for it.
So that you can create the Ultimate Freedom for yourself: Doing the work that you love to do and with those you love to do it with. And the added bonus is that you get to do it in the way that lights you up – because you’re working AND LIVING in your zone of awesomeness most of the time you’re using it.
What we create together in VISIBLE | LIVE really is magic. And it supports YOUR magic for at least the next 12-18 months… if not longer.
Find out more here: www.join.nicolamoras.com.au/visible-live
