Confidence doesn’t always come from within..
Don’t shoot the messenger. I know it does, really, but at the same time, not.
I remember in Grade 1 (my 2nd year of school) I changed schools. My first year of school was at a Catholic school and when I came home telling my mother that she WAS NOT my mother and that Mary was… well… that made the decision for my parents to move change schools quite easy! If my children had come home saying something along those lines, I would probably have made the same decision.
So in Grade 1, at my new school, I remember playing on the monkey bars. I also remember the MOST AMAZING gymnastics bars that they had. It was 2 bars, with 2 cross bars one lower and one higher. And I remember doing those ‘leg thrown over the bar, hold your leg under the bar and SPIN SPIN SPINNNNNNN for as long as you can’ type of trick! It was fun! But I remember it being HIGH and I remember that there was bark on the ground.
At around this time, my brother was born. He’s 5 years younger than me and I loved the heck out him! (yes, of course I still do). But I also remember a couple of monkey bar incidents…
One of the incidents involved another girl, who had an older sister. Now, because she was the younger of the two and was apparently bearing witness to her older sister growing up, she became the authority on all things body shape. Now, to paint a bit of a picture, I was a slight kid and far from being overweight. This little girl, in grade 1 (around the age of 6!) told me, unequivocally and with total certainty that “You’ll never get boobs. My sister says that if you don’t have any growing now, you’ll never have any! I’ve got some and you don’t. You’re going to be flat chested and fat your whole life and nobody will love you”!!!!
Can you believe it? I mean, shit. 6 years old and slinging shit on me!!! As an adult, I imagine that this is probably exactly what her sister told her, which is why she said it to me. What a horrid kid! At the time, I was mortified. I didn’t want to be unloved. I didn’t want to be flat chested and alone and fat. Oh lord. The fact that I even remember this happening tells me that it created a huge impact on me at the time. I think I may even have gone to the sick bay to see the nurse that day and made my Mum come and pick me up!
At around the same time, as I mentioned, my brother was born. So on top of the mean girl scenario above, I was also dealing with my parents being consumed with my baby bro.
So I did what any girl would do. I tried to break my arm! OF COURSE! Any sane, self respecting 6 year old with no boobs to speak of who is going to be unloved by all for her entire life, is going to try to break a bone to PROVE to herself that her parents will love her no matter what, right?
OF COURSE!
This metal play structure that I climbed up was SUPER high. (I was 6, in my defence, everything was high!) and there was bark at the bottom, much to my displeasure! It did break my fall! I was not happy, but I kept trying for the whole of lunch, but to no avail.
(Side note. I went to the googles to try to find something that looked like the play equipment I remember. We had the monkey bars with the horizontal ladder type of set up, which is here The Mean Boob Girl struck…. But then there was another structure that had two poles and two horizontal bars attached between the uprights. This was high enough to fall down to hurt myself, I decided! On the googles, there are LOADS of photos of play equipment that has since been banned!!! Hahaha! I don’t know how the schools got away with using equipment like this! Check out 1980’s dangerous playground equipment… you’ll be amazed! Man, it was fun! Kids these days have NO idea how much they missed out on!!!!! Hahhaha).
What I realised over the years is that confidence doesn’t come only from how we look, but it does also come from inside.
I always feel more confident when I feel like I’m looking amazing. Some days this can be in sweaty work out gear when I’ve got that post-workout glow and muscle pump happening!
I always feel more confident when I’m wearing something I feel good in.
I always feel more confident when I’m doing things I love.
I always feel more confident when I feel like I’m being who I’m MEANT to be.
I always feel more confident when I get messages from people or comments letting me know that what I’ve shared has helped them.
There are times when confidence comes from an inner knowing. A feeling of certainty mixed with a ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude. Other times it’s soft and supple and kind of sexy.
I always feel more confident after I’ve written and while I’m writing or speaking or coaching and jamming on things I love talking about and helping people with.
I always feel confident when I feel like I TRUST in my ability to make great decisions. When I remind myself that I only make the right choices for me and that everything is working for me, and therefore I cannot make a ‘wrong’ choice or decision.
You’ll be very pleased to know that I have ended up with the love of my life, who is in fact a man, who regardless of my boob size loves me!
You’ll be pleased to know I no longer dream of hurting myself for attention! And, that in fact, other than that moment at the tender and innocent age of 6, I haven’t consciously tried. Unconsciously, well… that’s probably a topic for another day.
I do wonder sometimes if it was that incident, that I haven’t thought about for years, actually, that led me to make some ‘interesting’ choices when it came to partners over the years, though, pre-husband. I’ve spoken a lot about being in a domestic violence relationship for 4.5 years. I haven’t spoken much about my high school boyfriend, but needless to say I made some interesting choices with my behaviour with him as well.
I was definitely NOT confident as a late teen/20-something year old.
For me, confidence that was real and not feigned, not ‘fake it till you make it’ type of confidence came to me when I stepped into the CERTAINTY of who I was, of who I am.
Which actually, if I’m completely honest, has probably really only been in the past 4-5 years…..so it took me till my late 30’s to really embrace who I was.
What a freaking disaster!!!!!
Please, for the love of all things holy, don’t hold back on this. Don’t hold back on discovering your genius, your amazingness and on making the decision to let that be the guiding light.
Find your inner glow. Find your confidence. To me, the best way to do this, is to let go of all the should’s, the musts and just BE YOU!
Because dammit, you are amazing and brilliant and fabulous exactly as you are.
Xo
Ready to shine and step into the spotlight? Ready to create clarity out of the stuff that’s rolling around in your head? Want a structure and plan for you to use this year while you build upon your confidence and SHOW UP? Check out Unpack Your Genius Pathway to Millions Here: https://join.nicolamoras.com.au/unpack-your-genius
