You’ve read the posts “everyone has a story”… I saw a post earlier today actually from Brené Brown that quoted Doug Conant “Your life story is your leadership story”….
What if you feel like you don’t have ‘a story’… does everyone really have a story?
I remember a few years ago when I was getting ready to write my first ‘proper’ book Visible. I was struggling to come up with stories to fit what it was that I wanted to talk about. It was suggested that the opening of the book could contain a story that was all about connecting with my audience, all about sharing parts of me, the things I had overcome.
Now, my initial thought was the ‘trauma story’. I have one of those. History of DV. Yes, I am one of the survivors. Thank goodness. It was traumatic, but I got out…..
But … everything else in my life felt kind of vanilla. Ordinary. Boring….?! I found it hard to think about what I wanted to share.
In a course a number of years ago I remember learning about the different types of stories that you can tell.
- The comeback kid
- Country born making it in the big city
- The Underdog story
- Coming through adversity to the other side
- Rags to riches
- The Transformation story
When I looked at all of these options (I can’t remember the rest of them, I’m sure there were more of them than just these ones) I felt like all of my experiences were pretty boring.
It’s kind of funny because my family life was pretty ‘Brady Bunch’. Not in a blended family way, but in a ‘we all get along and we’re pretty happy’ way.
I wasn’t exceptional at school.
I didn’t experience anything super dramatic other than feeling like I didn’t quite ‘fit’.
I was pretty introverted and lived in my head and my imagination.
I didn’t go to University, so didn’t have any fun Uni stories.
I had a couple of fallings-out with my parents but nothing that was majorly dramatic!
The stories about my work life were pretty uneventful.
So yes. I didn’t feel like I really had a ‘story’. I didn’t feel like I had an ‘out of the ashes’ type of business experience. I didn’t really feel like any of the above applied.
However, I knew that it was important to share my stories no matter how or what I felt.
I mean, who makes up the rules, anyway, with what stories are more important than others? Or whose life is more ‘boring’ or more ‘exciting’ or more ‘dramatic’ or more ‘eventful’ or more ‘worthy’?
You get to make up the rules, my friend! And it’s your life and your story does in fact matter. All your stories matter.
From the kid that pulled your hair in kindergarten – or the hair you pulled in kindergarten!
To the kid who used to bite you or kick you – or you did, them.
To the late nights out dancing till the sun came up.
Through to the weird bosses that you’ve had through your life who made your life awkward or uncomfortable.
To the dreams you had as a kid about what you wanted to do or be when you grew up and how that ties in – or doesn’t – into what you’re doing now.
To the broken hearts and unrequited love.
To the jumping on the bed.
To the birthing of your children or the choice to not.
To the friends that your kids have and how they interact with you.
To how you met your partner.
To why you choose to be known as the name you have now.
To why you do what you do.
To why you love cats or not.
Or dogs that you love or don’t.
To why you don’t have milk anymore.
To why you choose to eat what you eat.
Why you work out how you work out.
To why you recycle.
To why you buy organic.
To why you make your bed when you get up in the morning.
To the games you played as a kid.
To what you wanted to do when you ‘grew up’ even if you’re grown up and you still don’t really know what you wanted to do.
To how many times you wash your hair a week.
To how you butter your bagel right to the edges!
And of course, all the stories around how you ended up doing what you’re doing.
The experience that you have had as you’ve been growing and learning and building.
The thing is, this if you think about it deeper than just at the surface… if you get out of your own way and start to look at the things that have transpired in your life, you can see that you are not, in fact, boring at all!
You have a myriad of stories and experiences that you can share and talk about so it’s time to stop selling yourself short!!! (And if you are literally short like me, this is a whole story within itself!).
One of the best frameworks I learned was this:
First of all, what’s the main point that you want to make? (One of the things that I focussed on really early on was creating impact with how you present yourself both online and in the room).
Step 1
Think of a time in your experience that can help connect people.
One of the stories I used to tell was when I used to play dress-ups as a kid. I used to love the feeling of being dressed up, feeling ‘done’, feeling beautiful. I used to love the swish-swishing of my skirt or dress. The belt around the middle accentuating my waist. The crochet sleeves. The moons on the dress that I thought looked liked nails.
I talk about my earliest memory of playing dress ups and feeling beautiful. I talk about how it felt to wear a pair of shoes that click-clacked on the floorboards of our home. I talk about standing on top of the slide at home feeling like the Queen of the Universe! I light up when I tell these details – which might seem insignificant when you think about them in isolation of each other, but when woven together they can create a pretty cool impact.
Most women can remember playing dress-ups as a kid or can imagine playing dress ups a kid.
Step 2
Think of another story that you can tell to share and connect again.
One of the stories that I would tell with this is remembering seeing photos of actresses from old-time Hollywood – think Marilyn Monroe – seeing them sitting at their dress tables, brushing their and taking care of their beauty routines. Spending time on themselves without any apparent guilt!
The reason that I would bring this up is that we don’t seem to spend anywhere near enough time on ourselves without feeling guilty. You want to look great before you walk out the door, it’s OKAY for you to spend time on yourself. You want to feel good before you leave the house or the bathroom? Amazing. Do that. Or not. But it’s ok for you to do whatever it is that you want in order to feel good and look good for yourself first and foremost! Or not. But, it’s each to their own. I think it’s a good thing to spend time nourishing your skin and your hair.
Step 3
Think of a third and final story that you can tell that takes them to more of a ‘now’ time, that helps them to connect with you.
For example, I make sure that I lay out my clothes that I am going to wear the night before. I like to feel good in what I’m wearing, regardless of if I’m going to the gym in the morning, out for lunch or staying at home. For me, when I feel good in my skin and in what I’m wearing, I’m a lot more productive, I feel more confident, and I feel like I can take on the world! To me, preparation is key and knowing what I look good in matters.
You tell these three stories as one. Powerful, right?
Your stories matter!
You matter.
All the details matter.
Think of some stories that you can tell and that you can share. Because Brené and Doug are right: Your life story is your leadership. Sometimes you just need to do a bit or forensic archaeology through the recesses of your brain to find the stories to share.
You’ve got this, though! I know it.
After all, The World Is Ready For Your Brand of Awesome
Nic x
PS. Want to learn how to weave these together as part of your business content? VISIBLE | LIVE the National Tour is happening in June this year in Australia. The beauty of sharing your stories rippling through your business content is this: It helps your audience get to know you and get a feel for who you are before they buy from you and before they even take any action with you at all.
It helps to build relationships with your audience so they can feel like you are someone they can trust that you have their backs and they’re going to be understood.
Pretty cool, huh? And on top of this, we get to showcase you through your kickass business content that we’re going to map out for the next 12-18 months. This will demonstrate your thought leadership, your authority and ultimately help you create content that creates an impact in the world.
Find out more and grab a seat in your closest city here: https://join.nicolamoras.com.au/visible-live
